Sunday, April 01, 2007
Gumtree ads from Hell Part I
This can't be an April fools as it was posted yesterday. Personally I think the £300 per week they are looking for is a bit steep.
Hello!
Oh god the interesting ones always start like this.
We have a fantastic living area in our garden in Chiswick.
Mud pits apparently are in this year.
The surroundings are quiet and you will sleep serenaded by the fox's cries at night and the occasional flight to/from Heathrow airport.
Which will be the one that gets blown up. But don't worry the fox cries will have driven you insane by then.
The space could accomodate a large-sized tent with all the trimmings
Que list of benefits that wouldn't be out of place in your average refugee camp.
(chair, cooking facilities and all of that, which you would have to bring yourself).
£300 per week and you have to provide your own accommodation!
A hose would provide you with a generous fresh water supply.
Gee thanks. Do Wateraid provide grants?
Other extras we are willing to throw in this fantastic offer are: the inclusion in our naturist community which holds meetings every saturday, with the realistic possibility of having intimate encounters with one (or more) of our members.
This is not a usual house share then.
We require a quiet, easy going person who has his own life but doesn't mind the odd glass of wine and occasional threesoming.
I'm beginning to see why the wine would be necessary.
We are open to sharing with couples too.
I bet you are.
We are a very open-minded couple, who doesn't mind gender, nationality or creed. You would be able to share the internal facilities (bathroom, kitchen, living room and when invited, the bedroom where we have a fantastic king size bed).
King size bed eh. I see someone was a member of the boy scouts. Be Prepared!
Please attach a picture of yourself when replying.We can provide pics of ourselves as well.
Somehow I feel that it aint going to be pretty.
Deposit of six weeks required, which you will get back when you leave, unless you damage the daffodils outside.
Ummm an £1800 deposit. These must be the world's most expensive daffodils.
In that case, you would be required to replant them and give us a share of your deposit which will go toward our time spent in supervising your gardening.
You have about as much chance of getting your deposit back as a trans Saharan camel herder has of getting frost bite in the midday sun.
Thanks a lot and we hope to hear from you soon! Lots of love, Jess & Linc xxx
Oh that's plenty of love alright. ¶ 10:46 am
Hello!
Oh god the interesting ones always start like this.
We have a fantastic living area in our garden in Chiswick.
Mud pits apparently are in this year.
The surroundings are quiet and you will sleep serenaded by the fox's cries at night and the occasional flight to/from Heathrow airport.
Which will be the one that gets blown up. But don't worry the fox cries will have driven you insane by then.
The space could accomodate a large-sized tent with all the trimmings
Que list of benefits that wouldn't be out of place in your average refugee camp.
(chair, cooking facilities and all of that, which you would have to bring yourself).
£300 per week and you have to provide your own accommodation!
A hose would provide you with a generous fresh water supply.
Gee thanks. Do Wateraid provide grants?
Other extras we are willing to throw in this fantastic offer are: the inclusion in our naturist community which holds meetings every saturday, with the realistic possibility of having intimate encounters with one (or more) of our members.
This is not a usual house share then.
We require a quiet, easy going person who has his own life but doesn't mind the odd glass of wine and occasional threesoming.
I'm beginning to see why the wine would be necessary.
We are open to sharing with couples too.
I bet you are.
We are a very open-minded couple, who doesn't mind gender, nationality or creed. You would be able to share the internal facilities (bathroom, kitchen, living room and when invited, the bedroom where we have a fantastic king size bed).
King size bed eh. I see someone was a member of the boy scouts. Be Prepared!
Please attach a picture of yourself when replying.We can provide pics of ourselves as well.
Somehow I feel that it aint going to be pretty.
Deposit of six weeks required, which you will get back when you leave, unless you damage the daffodils outside.
Ummm an £1800 deposit. These must be the world's most expensive daffodils.
In that case, you would be required to replant them and give us a share of your deposit which will go toward our time spent in supervising your gardening.
You have about as much chance of getting your deposit back as a trans Saharan camel herder has of getting frost bite in the midday sun.
Thanks a lot and we hope to hear from you soon! Lots of love, Jess & Linc xxx
Oh that's plenty of love alright. ¶ 10:46 am
