How to get selected the BGB way The selection contest in Bethnal Green and Bow continues unabated and in keeping with the season what a merry little contest it is turning out to be. At least there will be no shortage of candidates. One local member sent round a survey, here is one of the replies and rather amusing if worryingly accurate it is to. So what is going to sort the wheat from the chaff, the political star from the failed wannabe, well read on and ye shall know. Special thanks to my sceptical friend Paul.


What do you think are the characteristics that the BG&B contestant must have to win?

a) The selection?

· An up-to-date list of members annotated according to eligibility 3 months before the other candidates

· Pals in the bureaucracy who will prevent the other candidates having the same advantage

· A Campaign Manager who knows who hates who most and will spread rumours to your advantage

· A high tolerance for halitosis, BO and tedium

· A car with driver and free petrol

· Convenient memory lapses and strategically-timed holidays or working trips abroad

· Overweening ambition to succeed at any price or Campaign Manager with Svengali tendencies


b) The election?

· Good health and a strong stomach

· A firm padlock on the cupboard containing the skeletons, especially if that involves having appeared on screen in tacky underwear

· A tolerant employer who will grant unlimited time off work

· A sponsor or slush-fund or the discreet appearance of either

· At least a vague idea of the constituency’s boundaries and recent history

· Ability to say Hello, Good Evening and Welcome in 5 languages

· A religion that does not preclude campaigning at weekends

· Some credible connection to the area. Score:

o 10 for having lived here for five years or more
o 8 for being born here
o 5 for two or more family members living here
o 3 for working here
o 2 for drinking here
o -1 for only having passed over on a plane or under on a tube-train

Beliefs required? Largely optional and adaptable at all stages

Is he missing something? Tell us in comments.  ¶ 9:44 pm